💀 weirdgirl zine 💜

The internet has recently unveiled a corker of a find: a two-act (and arguably three-part, frfrfr) scientific narrative exploring the gluteus maximus's surprisingly significant role in human evolution. This exploration, presented in a style reminiscent of a David Attenborough documentary but seasoned with a hefty dose of happy 😆 horseshit, offers a new hot take on a serious topic. Act I: From Tree Huggers to Upright Walkers The narrative kicks off with an account of early hominids (drunk primates with a mobility problem), their bipedal attempts a caveman quandary of epic proportions. One genetically gifted individual, fueled by fermented fruit (and hello, what's this?), attempts upright walking—a momentous occasion, narrated with Attenborough-esque gravitas. This initial attempt, a corker of a failure, resulted in many a yeetsome tumble. The gluteus maximus emerged as the unsung hero, preventing countless ass-vs.-ground scenarios. Hominids with hella weak sauce glutes were s...

 “your daughter is pregnant and wants to marry a caveman. what will you do? give up for baby / accept.” dudes, what the actual?! this ad is hella weak sauce. it’s like someone thought “caveman quandary” was peak storytelling and just ran with it. what makes these ads so dumb? it’s not the graphics or the gameplay promises—it’s the language. the typos and weird phrasing are laughable. caveman baby dilemmas? it’s like they didn’t even try. honestly, cavemen could do better writing—and they didn’t even have spellcheck. this is beyond trashy, lmao.  crapness rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (for the comedy of errors)  did i download it? absolutely not. into the bonestripper it goes.

 so apparently this dude got extremely fat, then lost a ton of weight to fool his friends and followers. a couple of them are offended at this, but it’s his body soooo…  my friend ruslan (sup Rusty! 💜) hipped me to the corresponding creepy-ass meme. so I wanted to make some fake butts too, though the magic of AI! check it, yo.

I’m a lot more mellow these days, but even so — still fuck this guy. Read a damn bio already. And learn how to spell “dessert” because the royal pussy is def more like that than a “desert.” smhhh 🤦‍♀️  qu33n: Your dog is cute, what's their name? random weird guy: Cali ❤️ qu33n: Awwww 😂 random weird guy: How was your weekend cutie? Maybe next week it might look like you and me on a date or skipping to desert. qu33n: Are you for fucking real? I'd date a random stranger but I'd never skip to dessert with a rando. Also I wish people who used that basic bitch "good time not a long time" line would fuck off and die already.

No wedding dress stress here… just my girl Raven Cloud owning every angle! My quick behind-the-scenes pic from the NYC ‘Wedding Stress' shoot captures the intensity and artistry of a professional model. See how the dress accentuates her curves? The magic of plus-size styling is finding the perfect fit that flatters your figure. Confidence is key for any style, but as a stylist… plus size beauty tips include focusing on your best features, choosing fabrics that drape well, and embracing your unique shape. This isn't just about a dress line… it's about celebrating body positivity and showcasing your stunning self. Get inspired by Raven & remember all bodies are beautiful.

another misconception is that i want you to pay my way for some crazy fancy-ass date. let's get something straight right now: i'm no gold digger. sometimes i show up with gifts for them, but i've never gotten anything from anyone* so how's that work again? 1. i don’t. no one shows up to date and enjoy my company, they show up to fuck. they spend as little money as possible.  2, how awkward would it be to order the lobster while disappointingly shattering your entire world with my irl mediocrity cuz i’m better in your head (and also, not nearly as good. people think i’m a prude but real ones know!) in fact i usually show up early with my own coffee and snacks already purchased so the presh is off. i’m easy. i’m cool. i’m not wearing makeup, but i just showered. my clothes might be shabby but they’re clean. i’m getting comfy. sit down, let’s talk. but beware, I’m judging you too. and youre uglier than you think. even though they fetishize me, their biases still otherize m...

okay. “just kidding” isn’t a license to be an asshole. peeps often lie — saying “just kidding” after getting caught being an idiot. instead of owning up, they gaslight you. no, of course they weren't fucking kidding. they were testing the waters, poking at your boundaries to see what they could get away with. they wanted something – attention, a rise out of you, a favor, some kind of perk. they wanted to see how far they could push it, they failed. “just kidding” is a way assholes try to squiggle past the rules of our social contract. instead of apologizing, they avoid accountability by projecting it back onto you. suddenly, *you're* the unreasonable one if you don't coddle their shit behavior. well i’m not your mom, nor am i paid to think your shit’s cute. if you’re an asshole — many are cool but some do be sucking — i can say “nah no thanks.”. some find rejection painful soooo they become pussies of the highest order and play “just kidding.” or the super highest if they s...

1. If he claims to be a "nice vampire" 2. If she can’t maintain eye contact with boobs at eye level 3. When you see he invokes "traditional vampire values" in bio 4. You notice they Haven’t updated their PILF Box profile since base game 5. She Still lives in Vlad's basement 6. He swears that plasma packs are "just as good" 7. They write "no drama" in profile (yet cause all the drama) 8. She claims age is "immortal ;)" 9. He uses outdated vampire slang 10. They don’t respect the PILF safe-fang system

back in the pre-covid days… there was this drag beauty pageant in the village. it was whole-ass chaos backstage - fake tiddies & faker hair flying everywhere. but your girl qu33ni3 stayed kooler than jesus, working my duct tape magic to save the day! that's when “he” appeared - this total snacc of a man, handing out coffees to the staff. "i'm tariq and i'm lebanese," he purred in this sultry voice. i'll admit, i was confused at first - was that supposed to mean something special? but when a guy like that talks… girl, everything’s special. 😜 we ended up following him around like a couple of lost puppies as instructed, completely mesmerized by that flawless little booty of his. like a tiny perfect diamond it was. at first, i thought he might be some drag queen's houseboy. but no, turns out his dad owns the whole club! he was just spending his summer in the city, and his dad gave him the shittiest intern work (albeit at the best events!) so he’d learn fr...

goldy and drolldy, my amazing oldies, pulled off the most daring adventure of their lives: moving from their cozy queens nyc apartment to their cool-ass new pad, the old people castle, here in the los angeles area.  this wasn't some leisurely stroll, it was a cross-country trek with drolldy battling copd and needing oxygen around the clock the drama was real and the stakes were high.  goldy came on the train about 6 weeks ahead to prep the house for her. we all pitched in! my oldies have seen it all – jfk's assassination, the wild 1970s in nyc, and 9/11 – but this move was a whole different level of crazy.  the pandemic threw a wrench in things, with drolldy spending almost two years in a nursing home. she’s still kind of institution-y, and getting back to her true self now, finally home. goldy, bless his heart, was a daily visitor to her nursing home, running errands, keeping spirits high even though he was 80 and ailing himself. he needed care too.  now they're set...

why would you match with someone who thinks you’re…  an asshole,  a bastard,  a cockass,  a dickbutt,  an enema bag filled with maple syrup,  a fart with eyelashes,  a gallon of rancid ranch dressing,  a hole full of worms,  an infestation of white baby roaches,  a jug of herp-infected semen from the set of that porn your ex liked,  a killjoy,  a lump that’s growing where one should not grow,  a mound of something deeply unpleasant,  a noxious gas,  an onanistic ogler,  a pustule,  a quimful of paper cuts,  a rake,  a schvantz,  a toad’s assfull of nonsense,  a uvula pimple,  a vulva pimple,  a wart with an infinite number of horrific bursting chambers,  an x-tra big douchebag (sorry),  a yutz,  a zillion contagious viruses. 

i only work with natural emeralds, and save up to pay for that sacred quality because this stone is vital for heart chakra work.  at 7.5-8 mohs, emeralds are strong enough for daily wear, but i still explain to my clients about those natural inclusions - they're not flaws, they're the stone's natural fingerprints.  when i'm designing pieces for abundance and manifestation, i pair emerald with diamond to amplify that "get that money" energy while keeping the heart chakra protected. i infuse custom emerald pieces during each year during a waxing moon in may, specifically for clients working through prosperity blocks or needing protection during major business moves.  mix it with aquamarine in ritual jewelry and suddenly you're manifesting abundance while maintaining clear communication - no sacred blueborlz in sight! she's a commanding presence with this opulent emerald and gold filigree necklace. {vintage sting ray choker 20-30tcw emeralds, repaired by...

need to juice up your crystals? here's the real deal: salt water is your go-to. how to cleanse crystals with salt water: toss them in a bath with epsom salts – i usually do this with my weekly gua sha session (more on benefits of gua sha for crystal healing later!)… and yes, i always rinse them in a bucket of clean water afterwards. 😀 how to smudge crystals for energy cleansing: smudging works great! sage, cedar, wildberry fantasia… whatever burns clean. pass your stones through the smoke from a safe distance. you’ll feel the shift when the stone has been purified! how to cleanse stones with fire: don't underestimate the power of fire! if your buddies can handle the heat, toss them into your next bonfire or fireplace. retrieve when fully, totally, 100% cool. caveat: don't be an idiot and burn plastic or resin buddies. they’ll melt and die a pointless stinky death.  this is a powerful method of crystal cleansing with fire. sunlight and moonlight are also solid choices; ther...

i hate being seen, but i need to if i want to improve. sharing my art with the world is a terrifying but necessary act of vulnerability.  it's putting myself out there, exposing my heart, my soul, my messy, freaky-ass inner landscape.  but it's also a way of connecting with others, of inspiring them to embrace their own creative power.  my experiences have been great though. most people aren’t gonna be rude, they just want to encourage other people to make more art. i’ve often done the same to fellow artists — praising what’s right, and maybe suggesting artists that will push them to new horizons. we all have technical shit to perfect, so it's not like it's a contest. i mean, unless you want to enter one. share your gift a gift. join the conversation. appreciate just experiencing humanity together through art. creativity is still fully organic.

today, let's talk about build quality (and not the kind iggie uses for her battle bun training). some of these devices are built like tanks, while others fall apart faster than my ex's promises. the blinkers pen? absolute unit. this bad boy is thicccc with quality, built better than that one dude i dated who wore sweater vests unironically (at least the pen has personality). the battery life is swole af and it never clogs - we love a reliable queen! meanwhile, YIKES ON 666 BIKES, stay away from the honey king! this thing is more cursed than my sacred place after that one creepsicle tried to slide into my DMs. it literally fell apart in my bra (that's called destruction, yeahhhh) and leaked everywhere like a Bristol 7 situation. the waferz setup tho? *chef's kiss* it's giving premium vibes without being all pretentious about it. like yeah, we get it, you're fancy - but at least you actually deliver on those promises instead of being all aesthetic no substance. TL...

🎤🦜: Good evening, operatives. Scar 🦜 here, delivering the debrief on Operation Fuckboy Exposure. 🎤 🐈‍⬛: Mysterious like the night, Yuraiya reporting from the shadows. Let’s break this down. 🎤🦜: It all started on Queen 🐇’s Twitch stream. She was broadcasting Minecraft, but when Danny DeVito 🐶💩 entered the chat, she sensed something stinky… a whiff of the past. 🎤 🐈‍⬛: Just three words: “Do we know each other?” That got me thinking. But when she gave a few verbal hints via stream… That’s all it took for me to know it was time to move. 🎤🦜: While I kept him talking with my master distractor and certified decoy skillzzz — I made sure the perp stayed engaged. Classic misdirection. 🎤 🐈‍⬛: Meanwhile, I dove into the chat history, searching for digital breadcrumbs. The Queen and I coordinated flawlessly. She hunted for patterns, while I confirmed identities. This was no amateur hour; this was precision work. 🎤🦜: His pathetic, noncommittal “maybe” response to Queen’s questi...

Let's be brutally honest: I'm sick to fucking death of the cavalcade of entitled pricks who think they should get a peek of m’goods just because they swiped right. No, seriously, fuck these guys. They don't even bother with a "hello," just a straight-up pic request, sometimes followed by patheticness like "plz plz plz" or "awww c'mon!!” It's like I'm some kind of porn vending machine, dispensing images on demand. And when I don't agree they get pissed like I owed them something. 😀 These guys are delusional. They think that just because they want everyone, everyone wants them. a dick pic and a pathetic plea? WOW my prince is here. Heh. They're so goddamn clueless about basic human decency and respect, it's astounding. They don't see me as a person; I'm just a tits and an ass for them to rub their sticky boring baby weens to. I believe that dating apps are an addiction. People look for the new love, the good lo...

when processing your emotions: sometimes you come across shit that you don’t really know if it’s good or bad. sometimes it’s a matter of balancing it out and saying “yeah i know that there’s a downside to y, but it’s mostly positive & i can live with the downside — so i’m putting this in the good section.” or “the benefits just aren’t worth the drawbacks - it’s not great feels.” even complex issues can be broken down if you look hard enough or long enough. take us, for example. i have a body, which breaks down to individual pieces, which breaks down into different organs, and each organ breaks down into tissue, which breaks down into molecules, which breaks down into atoms, which break down into neutrons protons and electrons, which breaks down into quarks and gluons and i guess some other small shit. do we always need to break down things that small? sometimes yes, but i think usually not. as long as we know it’s ours and it fits pretty well/functionally in this space, it’s cool d...

i'm pretty good at finding cheaper (but still impressive!) ways to make life a slightly more elegant experience. i really need to buy new socks. but i gotta save every penny right now. it's like that one time when... well, you remember. sometimes i feel like i'm stuck in a loop, like when people keep wanting to hit me up but freak out. nobody is actually like this about me ever. in other news, if i had another version of myself to give tasks to… i'd have sex with myself. don't judge, or do, idgaf. you know you've thought about it too.

core principles of tantra are pretty simple actually: cultivating presence, awareness, and a deeper connection with your or someone else’s energy.  think of it as a powerful form of self-care or caring for others, a way to tune in on a spiritual level. one common technique is breathwork.  by focusing on your breath, you can anchor your attention in the present moment and calm your nervous system.  this simple practice can help reduce stress and anxiety, creating a foundation for deeper meditative experiences.  other techniques involve visualizing energy flowing through your body, or focusing on specific sensations. the key is consistency.  tantric meditation, like any other form of meditation, is a practice. like any practice, it takes time and patience to master.  but the rewards —increased self-awareness or awareness of others, improved emotional regulation, and a deeper sense of connection — are worth it.

some people’s perceptions of reality resemble a pretzel twisted into the shape of an english maze. one such friend annoys me thusly, and it's sad honestly, to see someone go down the terlit and you're like "nooooo" but it doesnt matter. let’s call this friend dyson because he does the best job at sucking the hardest. the 24/7 self medicating is turning him to a sloppy mess — get that kid some help. don't self-medicate, my children. es no bueno. sad thing is that this could describe a number of fuckfools that we know. i feel like i have become a worse person too, for having shared that space with such wicked-ass toxic energy. toxergy XD everyone in the world is like, nearly as much work as anal leakage and twice as stinky, lately. rather be single. the pizza guy isn’t even reliable. why should i trust anyone with a pizza, let alone with this pussy. :(

i get requests from peeps about celebrities. number one request? ryan reynolds. (not pictured. girls are more fun to draw, so here’s drew barrymore.) number two request is timothee chalamet. he seems a little like a chick, so maybe! i haven’t drawn either of them yet… pop culture is inspiring when i feel insipid, but is also fun when i’m sick. not my normal life, but good sometimes-wholesome entertainment — like a thing i treat myself to when i crave something a bit lighter in my life (aside from well, light).  i binge-watch with a purpose, mining the depths of my favorite shows for creative gold.  celebrity portraiture is my playground, my homage, my way of giving back to the lore that entertains me. from serial killers to cartoon characters to misunderstood monsters, i often find inspiration in the flickering light of a screen.

may vibes are all about the big picture. this month’s principle emphasizes my place in the vastness of existence — understand you’re nothing in a sea of everything. vaiva's protective role highlights interconnectedness and vulnerability. i always try to be kind, but extra mitzvahs in may seem to be the thing to do. so, i try to perform an extra act of kindness for a vulnerable person.   this month’s superstition: seeing a swallow for the first time this month brings good fortune and protection from vaiva in the underworld.

the goddamned stability of spacetime hinges on your monthly incantation, "rabbit rabbit," spoken on the first of may.  memorial day bbq? more like memorial day cannibal shit-show! phyllis is here to turn your cookout into a scene from a michael fucking bay film. forget "rabbit rabbit," and prepare for exploding grills, food poisoning that'll make you shit your guts out, and a fight so epic it'll make you wish you'd stayed home eating ramen & playing ps2 with your MOM!!!1!!1! phyllis will turn your peaceful gathering into a bloodbath of epic proportions. say "rabbit rabbit," or face the consequences, you dumbasses!