corpse lore!: scary mary and the monster she made
💜⭐️ once upon a time, there was this adorable goth queen. her name was mary. ⭐️💜
her full name was mary wallstonecraft godwin, a fun and fancy-free 18yo bad bitch. she loved to party and had a creative mind. one day she stuck w her extra-ass bf, percy bysshe shelley, whom my friends and i always liked to call percy fishjelly behind his back, cuz he stunted the wizard hat and his ween hygiene game was decidedly not on pernt. but our friend mary for some dumb reason, always saw something more in percy, idk!
k so anyway our girl mary’s stepsis, claire claremont, wants to go to visit lord byron at his house so she can extend an invitation to her bone zone (noooo capppp claire legit wanted to fuuuuuck him!!). it was the year without a summer, thanks to some nearby volcano that took a massive, explosive shit. can’t even wear cute shorts - just drip instead w pure depresh and the lingering stench of eggy sulfur.
soooooo they roll up to lake geneva because claire wants some lordy b pork sword, as id mentioned earlier. meanwhile, mary and percy fishjelly are just there for the beer and the bitches. mary wanted to partayyyyy & heard that lordy’s opium stash was pretty dank… she wanted a hit or ten!
and like they thought lordy b was gonna be cool but turns out to be an even bigger dick than the rest of them combined. good host, tho. he was chilling w his buddy & physician, dr. pickledoc, a grumpy incel who’s mad at the world for having exactly 0 rizz and acess to 0 tiddies. i s2g someone told me that the monday after, his borlz got so blue that they were basically swimming in his own bile. not to mention a chronic case of beer shits, which be foamin frothy santorum-like heads out his anus 25/8. a shitshow in the most veritable of senses, m’dudes.
so lordy b was reading some ghost story book, phantasmagoria. tunes are pumping hard, opium is flowing out everyone’s orifices and into the orifices of everyone else. the five of them had this big nasty creepy slime orgy, where all the uglies bumped one another in a weird football-style field huddle, but with sex. i feel like it was very sticky and syphilic.
so now the monsty got even more super extra pizzed. can you even blame him? he was brought into a shitty-ass world looking like half a melted candle, his sex bot got broken before he got to ask her even 1 single time to hold his corn-diarrhea-saturated gangrenous penis (gangrenis?). aaaand, now our poor monsty has major blueborlz — all 70 of the borlz decided to have a support group to get through those terrible terrible times. on top of that, he was really just a gross gangrenous mess of a zombie. the corn-bubbling stomach issues were really starting to stink up the joint, as well.
and so… with corn-runs fury and blueborlz rage, he unalived frankenstein’s girlfriend.
the whole lab now smells like a combination of gangrenous toes, foamy-ass corn runs, formaldehyde, fried chicken souls, 70 putrefying testicles (35 pairs en scroto), and 11 condomfuls of double-expired ham juice. the end! ✨🎶 ✨
huzzah for the birth of gothic literature and science fiction! mary shelley basically invented multiple genres while everyone else was pissing their ruffled pantaloons with fear over her spooky words. this story was so scary that it actually had a signature scent: opium!
oh; by the way… i bet you forgot about dumb ole dr. pickledoc, who was basically a salty incel that people genuinely disliked as a person, yet tolerated their presence for morphine. anyway he wrote some stupid insignificant vampire book that like only 1 guy read: an irish dude who copypasted it. but, with his blarney-stone gifts of kickass writing, he made a mint off of it!
and everyone went on to live their lives.
💜⭐️ the end ⭐️💜
k so anyway our girl mary’s stepsis, claire claremont, wants to go to visit lord byron at his house so she can extend an invitation to her bone zone (noooo capppp claire legit wanted to fuuuuuck him!!). it was the year without a summer, thanks to some nearby volcano that took a massive, explosive shit. can’t even wear cute shorts - just drip instead w pure depresh and the lingering stench of eggy sulfur.
soooooo they roll up to lake geneva because claire wants some lordy b pork sword, as id mentioned earlier. meanwhile, mary and percy fishjelly are just there for the beer and the bitches. mary wanted to partayyyyy & heard that lordy’s opium stash was pretty dank… she wanted a hit or ten!
and like they thought lordy b was gonna be cool but turns out to be an even bigger dick than the rest of them combined. good host, tho. he was chilling w his buddy & physician, dr. pickledoc, a grumpy incel who’s mad at the world for having exactly 0 rizz and acess to 0 tiddies. i s2g someone told me that the monday after, his borlz got so blue that they were basically swimming in his own bile. not to mention a chronic case of beer shits, which be foamin frothy santorum-like heads out his anus 25/8. a shitshow in the most veritable of senses, m’dudes.
so lordy b was reading some ghost story book, phantasmagoria. tunes are pumping hard, opium is flowing out everyone’s orifices and into the orifices of everyone else. the five of them had this big nasty creepy slime orgy, where all the uglies bumped one another in a weird football-style field huddle, but with sex. i feel like it was very sticky and syphilic.
then percy fishjelly, because no one is more dramatic than the og fancylad, hallucinates demons shooting out of his gf mary's nips cuz the scary stories were so gnarly. and also, opium.
then lord byron, being extra xxxxxxxxxxtra as always, is like, "let's have a stinky-ass motherfuckin spooky story contest!" so lordy, percy, mary, & claire — plus ig dr. pickledoc, tho the entire crew forgot bout his ass & i bet you did too, cuz he just sat eating pickles during the big nasty creepy slime orgy — everybunny was high on the scent of pickle juice, and all hopped up on laudanum nipple demons. and thus they gather 'round to hear tales.
story was some bullshit poem about a tree. it wasn’t even spooky, he recited it while prancing around like a glittery unicorn princess. in short, another tuesday for percy.
later, mary overhears some convos from “the men” about galvanism – you know, zapping dead animals with electricity to bring them back to life. and that night? ¡sh1tj1zz! she has a nightmare fueled by bad… idek, squab maybe?… and too much wine. and opium. and the pickledoc’s bastard brine.
she dreamed about a very sexy corpse nerd named victor frankenstein. he was a scientist who galvanized a juicy corpse back to life!
then lord byron, being extra xxxxxxxxxxtra as always, is like, "let's have a stinky-ass motherfuckin spooky story contest!" so lordy, percy, mary, & claire — plus ig dr. pickledoc, tho the entire crew forgot bout his ass & i bet you did too, cuz he just sat eating pickles during the big nasty creepy slime orgy — everybunny was high on the scent of pickle juice, and all hopped up on laudanum nipple demons. and thus they gather 'round to hear tales.
story was some bullshit poem about a tree. it wasn’t even spooky, he recited it while prancing around like a glittery unicorn princess. in short, another tuesday for percy.
later, mary overhears some convos from “the men” about galvanism – you know, zapping dead animals with electricity to bring them back to life. and that night? ¡sh1tj1zz! she has a nightmare fueled by bad… idek, squab maybe?… and too much wine. and opium. and the pickledoc’s bastard brine.
she dreamed about a very sexy corpse nerd named victor frankenstein. he was a scientist who galvanized a juicy corpse back to life!
✨this✨ is the story of her dream:✨
🎶✨🎶🎶 ✨🎶
🎶✨🎶🎶 ✨🎶
✨🎶 ✨once upon a time, in probably germany, our homie dr. f orders uber eats for a veritable yuck bucket treasure trove! 2 faces with creamy pusfilled centers, about 70 testicles because he wanted his monsty to have more borlz than he ever did, and later he found 11 gangrenous piggies & scraped them out of a biohazard blender.
he zapped his creation to life: a swole monsty that smells like a week-old diaper filled with smashed and recycled breakfast burritos. but… the creature is aliveeee! unfortunately, not only is dr. f’s monsty alive, he’s also big pizzed!!! the monsty, born 5 secs ago but already with a concerning case of the corn runs — technically meconium ig? — is all like “give me a girlfriend, or i'll fucking kill yours!"
dr. frankenstein gets scared so he starts making a bride for the monsty right away. but after a bit, he gets even more scared of the world having 2 monsties. so scared that he pisses himself. and then he destroys the bride. with fear piss maybe, idk.
he zapped his creation to life: a swole monsty that smells like a week-old diaper filled with smashed and recycled breakfast burritos. but… the creature is aliveeee! unfortunately, not only is dr. f’s monsty alive, he’s also big pizzed!!! the monsty, born 5 secs ago but already with a concerning case of the corn runs — technically meconium ig? — is all like “give me a girlfriend, or i'll fucking kill yours!"
dr. frankenstein gets scared so he starts making a bride for the monsty right away. but after a bit, he gets even more scared of the world having 2 monsties. so scared that he pisses himself. and then he destroys the bride. with fear piss maybe, idk.
so now the monsty got even more super extra pizzed. can you even blame him? he was brought into a shitty-ass world looking like half a melted candle, his sex bot got broken before he got to ask her even 1 single time to hold his corn-diarrhea-saturated gangrenous penis (gangrenis?). aaaand, now our poor monsty has major blueborlz — all 70 of the borlz decided to have a support group to get through those terrible terrible times. on top of that, he was really just a gross gangrenous mess of a zombie. the corn-bubbling stomach issues were really starting to stink up the joint, as well.
and so… with corn-runs fury and blueborlz rage, he unalived frankenstein’s girlfriend.
the whole lab now smells like a combination of gangrenous toes, foamy-ass corn runs, formaldehyde, fried chicken souls, 70 putrefying testicles (35 pairs en scroto), and 11 condomfuls of double-expired ham juice. the end! ✨🎶 ✨
🎶✨🎶🎶 ✨🎶
then, scary mary dropped the mic; everyone pissed their pants with fright. mary wrote the story into a book, and shared it with the world. the entire planet pissed with fear of her spookitude! so much piss ran from the crotch of humanity that weather patterns were reversed, droughts ended, and lush pee-fueled greenery once again flourished and festooned the land. oh, also!!!! she won lord byron’s story contest! he gave her a trophy made of opium. percy was super happy for her. they got married and… well, more about my girl later, i promise.
huzzah for the birth of gothic literature and science fiction! mary shelley basically invented multiple genres while everyone else was pissing their ruffled pantaloons with fear over her spooky words. this story was so scary that it actually had a signature scent: opium!
oh; by the way… i bet you forgot about dumb ole dr. pickledoc, who was basically a salty incel that people genuinely disliked as a person, yet tolerated their presence for morphine. anyway he wrote some stupid insignificant vampire book that like only 1 guy read: an irish dude who copypasted it. but, with his blarney-stone gifts of kickass writing, he made a mint off of it!
and everyone went on to live their lives.
💜⭐️ the end ⭐️💜
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