Just Kidding, So Chill

okay. “just kidding” isn’t a license to be an asshole. peeps often lie — saying “just kidding” after getting caught being an idiot.

instead of owning up, they gaslight you. no, of course they weren't fucking kidding. they were testing the waters, poking at your boundaries to see what they could get away with. they wanted something – attention, a rise out of you, a favor, some kind of perk. they wanted to see how far they could push it, they failed.

“just kidding” is a way assholes try to squiggle past the rules of our social contract. instead of apologizing, they avoid accountability by projecting it back onto you. suddenly, *you're* the unreasonable one if you don't coddle their shit behavior.

well i’m not your mom, nor am i paid to think your shit’s cute. if you’re an asshole — many are cool but some do be sucking — i can say “nah no thanks.”. some find rejection painful soooo they become pussies of the highest order and play “just kidding.” or the super highest if they say to “chill.” 😆

i'll admit, i've been guilty of joking stupidly but meaning no harm. when i fuck up, i accept it. that's why i try to give the "just kidding" thing a pass the first time. people do test new waters, and some are too emotionally stunted to do it appropriately. a firm "no" should be enough. when someone acknowledges they made a mistake, i can respect that.

but other times, it turns into a whole fuckin thing. excessive flirting and stupid shit when i say to stop, or “compliments” that are straight up sleazy… eventually i just can’t deal. sometimes i say “you’re gross so bye” and sometimes i just give 0 fucks forever.

the problem with "just kidding" is that it makes *them* the victim of *your* anger, which is totally unfair, — you must be nice and accept it, be gracious, validate their fake-ass victimhood because… they were kidding? intentionally manipulating your feelings? mistake or not, it caused you distress.

be calm but direct. just say how you feel, why it offended you. you have the right to be offended, and now they know your boundaries.

another tactic? question the "joke." ask them to explain it. why is it funny? why did they feel the need to say it? if it's no big deal, we should be able to clear it up quickly. any hemming and hawing is their issue. having them explain out loud can help — just a discussion creates self awareness, so sometimes i try with peeps who i think have something good.

the last thing you can do is just end the discussion. they know your boundaries so if they violate them in the future, they are officially bullying, and trying to create drama where none should exist. don’t engage. distance or dump completely.

if you've made an offensive joke: apologize. don’t make fake excuses or blame the other person for not laughing. you made a bad fuckin choice — you read the room wrong and showed your ass. be an adult. just apologize, let your apology be accepted (because being an ass about earnest mistakes is also a lil dramatic)… now learn from the mistake, and respect friends’ boundaries.