💀 weirdgirl zine 💜

omg, dudes, timeline’s ad is straight-up jizz imagery. the whole premise is “build your civilization,” but all we get are sperms swimming around in goop. like, i’m sorry, is this history or a sex-ed class? the typo “i keep losing my fellows” made me facepalm so hard i almost left my body. yeah, that’s what he said. the ad sputtered out before it even got started, and now i can’t unsee generations of humanity as floating gametes. whack concept, sloppy execution.  crapness rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (points for the unintentional comedy)  did i download it? no, i’m not risking losing my fellows. 

tarot card: the star -- hope, renewal, inspiration. it’s my birthday month. phyllis was puppy-like last winter. now spring has sprung and she’s mellow -- not full feral anymore. what bun summer?  when she’s mad, she thumps. when she loves something -- like loops or a pet -- she lets me make much of her. kinda. ish. her current name is cheez steak. it’s very meta.  still fighting the toxic glow-up culture -- the “love yourself” bullshit that makes pain a performance. fuck the pressure to be positive all the time. love yourself, yeah, buuutttttt hate the shit that’s real, too. and don’t fake a smile to fit in with the idiot brigade. smile for real or frown for real.  the ring i wear is named richard starkey. it’s a pavé scarab -- a dung beetle -- sacred symbol of creation from destruction. ✨ mystical poop magicks. ✨  huzzah. i can see.  zoom calls leave me utterly drained -- one day, after suppressing so much frustration i felt like i was on the ed...

this bracelet came from my already-made stash. last time i was asked to make something like this, it was ceremonial: antiques, sapphires, a wedding in israel. this time needed to be different. it’s for someone who lives and moves, so it had to be strong and easy. it’s a 7-inch elastic bracelet made with light blue jade, matte white crackle agate, and small sky-blue agate spacers. blue jade is calm and open. white agate helps cool intense feelings. sky agate is associated with insight through rest. it’s heading to a rehab hospital, as a small thank-you for someone who shows up on her day off just to wash mrs oldie’s hair. the pattern is intentional, and meant to be lived in. maker’s note: need new glue.  

mild and mostly dry now — classic Southern California spring vibes, warmer toward the end. the kind of weather where you can leave the window cracked while you drill through stones. stoked 👑 i’ve been drilling through stones more than stringing. the sound is sharp. himari asked if i think people lie to me for attention. yes. most people do. candy elle left me a voice note about someone at the castle losing a prop crown. i told her i’d check my stash. of course i had one — a tiny toy crown from a thrift bin. sometimes it be like that: the things i collect end up saving someone’s project. phyllis thumped during the voice note. i told her “good night” and she calmed. it’s weird how routine can help bunnies and peeps.

california welcomed me with open arms & some pretty good chinese food. as i settled into my new digs, turdy continued his long-distance love bombing campaign with the persistence of a hemorrhoid after a 12-hour road trip. then came the revelation™. turns out, our intrepid romance novelist wasn't just a philosophical fuckboy—he was a married philosophical fuckboy! with children! the man who wanted me to be the "mother to his future offspring" already had offspring! & a whole-ass wife! talk about burying the lead deeper than a vampire at bedtime. when confronted, turdy unleashed the waterworks. "i'll confront my wife," he blubbered, as if his marital status was just some minor inconvenience like forgetting to mention a shellfish allergy. meanwhile, i'm sitting in my newly unpacked living room, drinking rockstar white (watching my sugar intake like a responsible adult vampiress), wondering if i should laugh or send an anonymous message to his poor w...

ever have diarrhea so bad that you had to hold your ass cheeks together? i havent but i just heard someone on naked and afraid say it after eating some bad food but wouldnt just sealing your cheeks shut compound matters… that does nothing for your sphincty… so wouldnt you just end up shitting through your squeezed cheeks and squeezing hands... welp im not even going to be mad at it… too mentally exhausting.