💀 weirdgirl zine 💜

let’s hear a gnarly-ass corpse juice tale! ecks dee! some sailors got booze blueborlz so bad they drank alcohol that had been preserving a dead guy! (like that one time when we did that thing, but waaaayyy worse-ass.) here’s what happened… napoleon's j1zzing over his stanky dessert brie one night in 1805 when he's like "let's attacccc britain!" he sends his friend admiral pierre-charles-jean-baptiste-silvestre de villeneuve (holy sh1t thiccccname) to handle it. across the river king george finds out about this and is like “fuck no they can’t win us, they’re assclowns!” and then he calls up his dude admiral nelson, this one-eyed, one-armed sauce boss who stunts more war medals than a military parade. they cook up a plan to say see you next tuesday to the french naval invaže. nelson's out there being all extra af but then he gets shot in the back & through his shouldie. his bff hardy's all "wahw!!" and nelson's like "kiss me hardy!...

dudes, internet chess was my obsession for a minute. my most recent match was with little lord fuckleroy over a year ago, before things went left. {that entire ordeal was a hours-long convo of lies with a truly sick fuck.} but playing chess online can be super fun with the right person… my bud fluf & i used to play all the time. we had such hilarious conversations & bonded while battling it out on the virtual board. internet chess is great for engaging your brain & connecting with friends. the game requires strategy & critical thinking, which is fun, but the social element brings levity & friendly competition to it. playing with someone you vibe with makes it 100x better. the shit talking & celebrations when you capture their piece are everythang! try playing with weed to take your game to the next level... def recommend internet chess for stimulating your mind & your friendship. Try papergames here!

currently j1zzing over pennyworth – it's about batman's butler alfred in his younger days. 3 seasons, currently finishing season 2. it's surprisingly good. didn’t know he totally fucked the queen?? if he likes queens that much, maybe i can be next. alfred has always been a fav of mine but never really imagined him being… y’know, hot. 😂 between episodes, i'm laughing in my head about brooklyn 99 & planning breakfast. maybe switch to that later. alfred's story reminds me that everyone has a backstory, everyone has depth. he’s more than just some old guy changing master bruce’s stank-ass undy-wundies. it's a reminder that everyone has a story to tell, & that everyone deserves to be seen & understood & known for the inner badassery that we all posses; even butlers. even me. 💜

Fast, cheap, & cool – just what I needed for Himari’s DIY earrings. Forget complicated tutorials and expensive materials… I didn’t have that kinda money or time for that horseshit. This was a quick and dirty budget-friendly fix for a last minute shoot! I created these edgy statement pieces using simple stainless steel chain (hardware store!), readily available earring wires (craft store!), and a basic clasp (online). The entire process took minutes to make both chain earrings, and the result was a perfect accessory for any punk, emo, or goth-inspired look. Paired it with an easy studded choker that I quickly made out of some cute black ribbon and studs. It's all about embracing simplicity & letting your creativity shine through. Have you made any cool shit lately? Lemme know in the comments!

batshit crazy with zero provocation. also his real name rhymes with his nickname so i kinda love that. there i was, sipping my rockstar black (the delicious satanic sugar one!!) while browsing on the apps, and hello what's this? some dude messaged me with the standard "what's up?" i replied with something wee and cute, but when i didn't j1zz over his basic convo skills, the man got irked. deadass, i could feel the blueborlz emanating through my screen. when i tried to kindly dismiss him with "best of luck!" he went from bristol scale 4 to straight-up corker. his messages kept coming like a noah's ark – in pairs – claiming i was being "unfair." blahblahblah. this dumbledore dropped a metric fuckton of messages, each one stunting the wizard hat harder than the last. by message 20, he was full beetlejuice – demanding my attention like i owed him some kind of gfe. when i wouldn't bite, he went "wahw!" like a true poop stain on the...

it’s an ethiopian dish i learned while cookin on the cheap! the words “doro wat” literally translate to “spicy stew” but when you say it, chicken is oft implied. i use chicken, but often try with turkey to help do my part in humanity’s war on turkeys. **ingredz** - 1–2 cups chicken scraps - 1-2 cans chickpeas, drained - 10 oz can diced tomatoes - 1 medium yellow onion, thinly sliced - 2–3 teaspoons berbere spice a nice pinch of powdered ginger - 3 cloves garlic, minced - salt & pepper, to taste - 2 tablespoons olive oil 2-3 hard boiled eggs 1. microwave the chickpeas in a bowl for like 5 minutes or until they’re soft. coarsely mash half of the chickpeas using a fork or potato masher. leave the other half whole for texture. set aside.  2. sauté the onion & garlic in olive oil for 5-6 mins until soft & golden  3. toast the berbere by stirring it into the aromatics & let the spices bloom -cook for 30 seconds to 1 minute in the oil. 4. add the other shit: tom...

no one cares unless you’re pretty or dying i don't fit beauty standards, so i just live without caring. seriously, when you're busy trying to find decent pizza in california, a task most peeps strug with, who has time for that horseshit? who wants to be extra when you're already dealing with your blood factory going haywire? my thicccccc bod and withered fleshsac might not be conventional, but i respect it. it carries me through each day. so i don’t want to hear someone being a dickhole spouting obsequious commentary about what it looks like as it transports my important and sexy brain from a to b. if people don't like that, i'll see them next tuesday in hell. 🤷‍♀️ once you step outside the beauty contest, life gets way less stanky and lots funner. beauty standards are mainly about aesthetics you’re already born with, and you need to halfway die to change them if you can change them at all. just take care of your health, do what makes you happy, share love with...

🍷 S Tier: Frannie, obviously 🧀 A Tier: Mandrake, Jayceon, and fellow respected mystical beings 🍫 B Tier: Non-magical friends and/or food providers 🎃 C Tier: Tolerable background characters (Darsh & Danny's asshole neighbor cat) 👻 D Tier: Suspicious individuals (marked with one fur or pink claw print) 🪦 F Tier: Confirmed fuckboys (entire food supply marked) 🥀 Hidden Tier: Squieeels (sworn enemies!)

okay, let's talk about the *real* way to cleanse your stone buddies.  forget the dumbass methods. we're going full-on zynė shamaness here.  this is about honoring our foremothers, the kitchen witches who weren't afraid to get their hands dirty.  "newly slain flesh," that's what we're talking about.   fuck yeah, i said it. one of my cultural methods involves wrapping my stones in freshly killed meat before burying them.  a slice of expired bologna will do in a pinch, though. (p.s. turkeys are total assholes, #waronturkeys), but for best results, use recently killed meat.  it's not some weird occult thing, though sometimes it’s fun to get dramatic with it. it's an offering. the best cuts, given to the earth and its creatures who process and purge. think of it as a feast for the bugs and a powerful cleansing for your stones. my shamaness foremothers did this, wrapping stones in shrouds of newly slain flesh, holding funerals for the yuck vibes. we bury...

march madness is here and so’s a peruse through the archives or whatever. this is an interaction on the chubby app - a digital wasteland - where i, a delicate flower seeking decent convos, was instead assaulted by a barrage of emojis and questionable intentions from foolio. these weren't just awkward advances; they were a full-blown attempt to moistruize my ashy phone.  by the way, all my neighbors are ugly and I wouldn’t do that anyway. It was a fun insult tho. :)))) pro tip: someone leads with '💦💦💦😂'… i suggest blocking and moving on. whatta maroon!  foolio: 😏 queen: hello foolio: hey queen: hiya foolio: so when u u let me 💦💦💦😂 queen: so that's the first impression you've chosen, huh? foolio: L😂 queen: here's a confession: if i want sex, i can ask my hot scumbag neighbor next door. do you have more to offer than him? because he's easier. ❤️🤩

march’s birthstone! this gorgeous gem is 100% filthy with hazmat suit power… it protecc, it attacc! with that 7.5-8 mohs hardness (like my rabbit, phyl, at dinnertime), it's perfect for keeping your throat chakra functional while telling those negative vibes to see you next tuesday. when you pair aquamarine with pearl, it's like having emotional stability amped up. you're able to be mentally and emotionally open to new ideas. it can help you feel strong when things are changing too fast.  mix it with bloodstone & suddenly you're bridging water & earth energies like a bad bitch!  aquamarine is a must-have in any crystal collection. this stone is all about emotional healing, helping peeps speak their truth without getting caught in too much drama. its cool, calming energy makes it thicccc with potential for anyone needing help navigating their feels or keeping communication clear. jewels: art deco elegance with aquamarines. the geometric design and teardrop aquama...

language is weird. when i was a kid, i used medical terms to evade punishment of saying baaad woooords. medical terms like “rectum & “anus" are everywhere, so why did “ass" have own rules? quite a puzzle to ya young hyperlexic babygirl.  so i grew to just embrace the use medical terms in casual conversation. the human wordscape is a wild place. the nuances of the universal wordscape - the letters we use and the sounds we say - so sexy, even if it is about assholes or anuses/anii.  words and letters are endlessly fascinating to me.💜  

i’m so high i just typed search in the search box cuz forgot what i was searching for 😂 updated my phone to a new os. now the new ones come out as i learned the old os. if i wanted to learn about life all over again id age down, not up.  

so you're finally joining the vape club?  welcome! 🎉 here’s a few tips: low and slow:  start with low temps, or you'll be coughing like a volcano. 💨 cleanliness is key:**  a clean vape is a happy vape (and a less-gross vape for everyone else!). ✨ full charge: nobody wants a vape that dies faster than your fav fuckboy’s interest. 🔋 charge it up! upright storage: prevent sticky situations!  keep it upright to avoid leaks.  ⬆️ read the manual: yeah, yeah, it's boring, but trust me… it’s better than a surprise fire. 🔥🤓

dating apps are the pepsi establishments of the internet. but as a demisexual? fucking nightmare fuel, honestly. imagine walking into a room full of dudes screaming into your face about their very special important boners & you're just standing there like, "aren’t we supposed to ask what bands do you like or something?" it's a constant battle between wanting connection & being completely sickened & repulsed by the people - because strangers are sickeningly unappealing to me - but also grossinated by the utter shallowness of it all. swiping left & right when 90% of profiles are blank? it feels so... transactional. & that’s because for most dudes, it is. peeps are interchangeable & the real me is meaningless. 🖤 then there's the explaining. "demisexual? what's that?" ugh. so now i’m the sex ed teacher face of demisexuality tryna educate people who are only asking cuz they (might) wanna fuck. like really - google a thing. & e...

moonmoon fanfic 😂 his growl wasn't just sound; it was a primal language resonating with presence, connection, and a raw, undeniable desire. she felt it instantly – a supernatural vibration that bypassed her impenetrable mind and spoke directly to her body. it was seductive, possessive, a silken assertion of his claim: i am here. i see you. i want you. he buried his face in her neck, inhaling the intoxicating blend of vanilla and jasmine clinging to her skin. the growl deepened, a low tremor that vibrated through her. the heat of his body pulsed against hers, his muscles rippling subtly under the soft fabric beneath her fingertips as she drew her arms around him. safety and desire melted into a delicious pool of fire within her, leaving her breathless… gasping for more… never enough. his exploration was animalistic in its intensity… a thorough, sensual investigation. he savored her scent, the feel of her skin, the very essence of her being. her ethereal sighs mingled with his...

so had to read fuckin' howard from security for filth cuz he messed with my oldies. basically, they moved into an old people castle here in california recently. the security guy, fuckin' howard, was such a dickhole the first week the oldies moved. he didnt have them on file, and he kept turning away deliveries: food, furniture, amazon.  i hate fuckin' howard! i yelled at him because poor fuckin goldy was so upset and trying to say "i'm a new resident, i really do live here!" and fuckin' howard was just being an utter cock. like who the hell is going to be 82 and pretend to live in a place without any proof? literally all howard had to do was call and check. instead, he denied service to my oldies!!!!  if you don't have the patience to care for oldies who need a little extra assistance getting acclimated, don't fucking work at the motherfuckin old people castle. go work at wendy's and flip burgers. at least then nobody will have to look at your ...

not gonna lie, expressing myself is hard work sometimes. i'm not some robot spitting out normie platitudes rated e for everybunny. i'm a human and humans are: weird/messy, def imperfect, sometimes gloriously thiccc, & my writing reflects that. it's got highs, lows, & maybe a burgundy loaf or two. it’s kinda like e. e. cummings (lol cummings lol) and his quote about being large with multitudes. can’t i do mental gymnastics and be a hypocrite too, if all the cool-ass dead poets be doing it? 😂 jkjk! i don't strive for perfection everytime i mindpuke letters into a page; i embrace authenticity. trying to sanitize life is like gilding a lily-shaped turd. i write for the marginalized, the overlooked and tired, the ones who get fully that life is kinda like a gold diaper — everything may seem presentable up front, but the horrors beneath the sheen will gut you. and in fact, im kind of a mastermind of noting, revealing, and describing the shitz beneath the glitz. ther...

my march focus shifts to the principle of movement through cycles, which renew again and again. since i do love bunnies, and spring is a bunny time… the hare's journey from the underworld symbolizes the return of fertility and abundance. expressions like “trust the process” may seem trite, but they’re also popular for a reason. patterns and process exist and we must accept our limitations in the grand scheme. i plant seeds (literally or metaphorically, depending on what’s needed) to embrace new beginnings. this month’s superstition: the directions the first robin flies when your day begins dictates the success of your first planting.

on the first, utter "rabbit rabbit"—the very fabric of spacetime itself depends on your monthly incantation! march madness? try phyllis's digital apocalypse. this fuzzy terror is about to fuck your internet harder than your mom on a street corner. forget "rabbit rabbit," and prepare for a month of digital mayhem. your internet will be slower than a three-legged snail on ketamine. hacked accounts, leaked nudes, and your entire digital life exposed for the world to gawk at? that's just the beginning. phyllis will turn your online life into a public toilet, overflowing with shit and regret. say "rabbit rabbit” or else you dumbshits shall face her wrath!