a grody bitchcraft ritual for crones, hags, & fellow weirdgirls

okay, let's talk about the *real* way to cleanse your stone buddies.  forget the dumbass methods. we're going full-on zynė shamaness here.  this is about honoring our foremothers, the kitchen witches who weren't afraid to get their hands dirty.  "newly slain flesh," that's what we're talking about.  

fuck yeah, i said it. one of my cultural methods involves wrapping my stones in freshly killed meat before burying them.  a slice of expired bologna will do in a pinch, though. (p.s. turkeys are total assholes, #waronturkeys), but for best results, use recently killed meat. 

it's not some weird occult thing, though sometimes it’s fun to get dramatic with it. it's an offering. the best cuts, given to the earth and its creatures who process and purge. think of it as a feast for the bugs and a powerful cleansing for your stones. my shamaness foremothers did this, wrapping stones in shrouds of newly slain flesh, holding funerals for the yuck vibes. we bury them deep to let the earth and its inhabitants work their magic.  the stones are reborn, cleansed, perfect.  

rituals can be gory, but like, tough shit.  personally, i’ve always enjoyed i use the raw skin from a chicken leg – e z p z.  this isn't some precious, delicate process.  it's raw, it's real, and it works for me cuz i’m too sick to apologize for being a little gross. life is fucking gross.  ugly punk hags like me don't give a fuuuuuuck.  this is about connection, power, honoring the messy earth and our messy-ass weirdgirl selves, too.