!!! weird bitch !!!

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once upon a time, there was a weird bitch. people would look at her and go, “ugh, what the hell happened to that weird bitch?”

well, assholes. here’s the story.

our weird bitch is actually a bad bitch.

she had a bloodstream of fire, a spine of glass, and a mad-scientist cancer uterus. her thyroid grew its own weird side quest, and her intestines basically hate life. oh, and the immunity-blasting double wisdom teeth extraction nearly turned her into a ghost.

yes. this was one siiiiiiiick biiiiiiitch. she was tired, freaking out, alone, in pain. complaining felt nice sometimes, but she realized no one was randomly coming to rescue her.

so, even though she felt like shit, she got up when she could. she walked, crawled, pushed, or rollated through fire wearing shoes held together with duct-tape. she came out smelling like melted duct tape and lush massage bars.

“you look fine to me,” said some asshole doctors. “you’re just fat,” said others.

our weird bitch laughed, cried, hurt, and healed. puked in toilets, bled on streets, ran on endless quests for answers. she found dead ends and bullshit, but also good moments. she’s been underestimated, misdiagnosed, ignored, sent to do a lil time out in chino. (if you know, you know.) but she’s gotten by.

one smart doctor said “you might be a vampire kinda.” and another said “the dna tests confirmed… yes! you are sorta a vampire.” thus asshats were proven wrong, but she lost 150 pounds anyway; later, she got cancer, then banished it with vampire finesse. and she dealt with more doctors groping her than dating app assholes (though bitch got stories bout that shit too)…

so when people whisper, “what the hell happened to that weird bitch?”

well, what happened was, the bad bitch fucking got shit done.

the end.

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