💀 weirdgirl zine 💜

you'd think after all the crazy psycho thieving ex boyfriends & the art thief horseshit i've been through, i'd have my poop detector dialed up to 11. but nah. i’m a trusting soul, and even the most seasoned queen can get tricked by a smooth-talking normie in debt. it's a hard lesson to learn, but life is too short to be dealing with a manipulative partner and a bunch of their abusive bullshit. so here i am, existing in hardcore mode, standards high and poop detector on point, fueled by my trusty cpap machine and emergency band practice — which is ripping my hands a new asshole, by the way. a lil weed for the pain never hurt anyone. puff, puff. and so i'm learning to get over a toxic relationship and heal. it’s really important to find ways to be positive when you move on from an abusive relationship. all the while i’m improving each day at maintaining self-respect after betrayal, and overcoming judgemental relationships.

stardew valley gives me all the cottagecore feelz!! the pixel art takes me back to being a fetus playing harvest moon on my pile of rocks cave-baby console. i live for the relaxing farming mechanics like watering crops & taking care of my animals. building up your farm is so rewarding. the characters have surprising depth too. i'm obsessed with befriending & marrying one of the townie cuties (usually abigail because we both love cute gems and we could share hair dye!). my fave thing is customizing my character to look like me - a thicc baddie tending her crops in a cutie skull shirt. it's the rural escapist fantasy i didn't know i needed. stardew is my unwind game for sure. after a long day, nothing is more calming than watering my virtual veggies. the music & sounds add to the chill vibe. i laugh at the quirky townspeople & random events. and social play is like a romantic intimate experience. stardew feels nostalgic yet innovative - a new take on a classic...

i've got this weird thing about four-letter names. they hit differently. kyle, lisa, nick, olga, omar are my bubs. alex, dave, jack, jill—my slime. the four-letter buds are somehow more instantly lovable. maybe it's a wack quirk, but hey, that's me. part of my franiverse, where the alphabet letters have their own sliccccccc magic. it's not just those names, either. think about dave, hank, joan, joey...the list goes on! there's something about the simplicity, the directness, ig. when i meet andy, rich, teri, rose... something just clicks. not scientific, not logical, just my typical tism hyperlexia. you never know when rada, dino, will, or fran shows up; you might find another member of the four-letter slime crew. 💜

I’ve had a lot of memorable ones, but one of my favorite shows since I’ve come to California was when I saw Mickey Avalon at the Bourbon Room. He was shirtless and women posed for selfies with him & were licking him - I was jealous! Then he had the women come up to the stage while he sang My Dick, his biggest hit. Mickey Avalon is soooo sexy even though he’s sloppy as hell. He’s very special, to the point where I just loved being in the same room with his smile and his laugh, let alone the energy he brought. And here I thought I was the only one who wanted to lick him! 😂😂 I've drawn Mickey Avalon a few times. He's super hot! I love his distinctive features, his convex nose bridge and his perfectly bowed lips drive me nuts mcguts. <3

holy sh1tj1zz, bitches. let me tell you about this absolute dumpster fire that was turdy lamebert. picture this: ya girl (that’s meeee!) minding her business in boston, probably leveling up my orc rogue in wow, when this creepsicle slides into my dms like he's entering a slippery when wet competition (whatever that is). he was probably hoping for some pixel pussy, the dickhole, heh. the only time i ever believed this joik was when he first confessed his supposed "crush." i was like, "aww, crushes are fast and they fade so i get it. sure, we can be friends" because i discovered he played wow too, and finding fellow peeps in the gaming realm isn't always easy. but i wasn't looking for love, and said so. just someone to run dungeons with and exchange decent banter. but this sauce boss of manipulation went from zero to soulmate faster than porphyria attacks my blood factory. "you're my soulmate of the dark," he'd declare, as if that line de...

Our friend Frannie Queen is no basic Sim. She's a vampiress and the queen of Forgotten Hollow. This plus-size icon rules the Sims 4 scene with a style that's both dreamy and daring. That platinum blonde hair is romantic waves by day, punk rock braids that scream "I do what I want!” by night. She’s not interested in tired old beauty rules; Frannie's look is all about loving yourself and rocking what you’ve got, inspiring friends to get creative with alternative Sims 4 fashion. I love playing this Queen because being yourself is powerful, and showing her off resonates with everyone who wants to see more inclusive Sims 4 fashion representation and body-positive Sims 4 gameplay. She can go from a mysterious vampire vibe, with that pale skin poppin' against her icy blonde hair (and you can totally steal that look with DLC for stylish plus-size Sims 4 everyday, by the way). Or she'll throw on a cute half-updo with a bow, showing that even sleek platinum blonde updos ...

I haven’t pressed it too much but… happy Porphyria Awareness Month! The purple ribbon is used for porphyria. In short, I’m allergic to light, my head hurts and my tummy is a mess too. But idgaf, I just play to my strengths and live my life. I can take care of my bunnies, write cool shit, I’m a gourmet cook, I code in 5 languages, I’ve written several books on self-help and spirituality and considered pretty advanced in my field. My work has been published online, in print, and shown in galleries. I think I might be kind of a badass! Fav way to practice self-love? Not everyone is going to accept your illness: bullies will say you’re faking, or make up weird assumptions that hurt everyone, including them. Information is the way to combat ignorance. Teach others, show empathy, and protect yourself. Ignore haters and toxic assclowns whose priorities don't align. Self-love isn't just bubble baths and affirmations—it's fierce protection of your peace like Phyllis protecc her hide...

Remember that summer we did all the SupaFictional Brand hair extensions pics for their catalog? It was pure chaos & fun! This was a cool night where we prepped for a later shoot. Candy Elle's platinum & turquoise hair was a total showstopper, & everyone was pleased with the color match. We had a blast with her stylist friend (sorry can’t remember the name), Candela, & Stephy who models but also is an aspiring aesthetician. The atmosphere was relaxed and fun, more like a hangout than a pre-shoot test. It was all about the extensions. Bunny pictures were definitely exchanged—a crucial part of any good creative session. Lots of laughs, great company, & successful product test. Good times! The new extensions blended wonderfully, enhancing Candy's already striking icy look. I loved that job! I miss it. :) *of course I can’t say who the client was! I have an NDA!

how do i calm my nerves when anxiety hits? i often meditate and do my mental exercises to distract myself. sometimes i work or game. but if i’m too exhausted to fight it — weed, shumai, & a good funny movie also often does the trick. not too fancy, but it works better than that one time schwartzy tried to cure my anxiety with his experimental mind music! physical symptoms trigger worry, which worsens physical symptoms. breaking this cycle requires honest assessment of what actually helps, not what hashtag-blessed wellness influencers, and their toxic positivity gold diapers, tell you. comfort food like soosh and shumai satisfy something primal when everything feels chaotic. the ritual of ordering from my fav-ass house o noodz is healing. the familiar flavors, the salt, the carbs… bliss. carbs are also very helpful for porphyria attacks too. managing anxiety isn't about eliminating it completely - probz impossible. it's about creating reliable rituals that make it less strug...

my aries sun makes me a total badder-ass, badass. i'm extry.  i'm lit.  off the chizzain, even.  but my leo moon? that's my softer side, my squishy spots.  my emotional core is all warm and fuzzy, like phyllis (only not a bitch).  i crave attention from those i love cuz my peeps make me feel like a sauuuuuuuce baaaaaaaaoss.  i need my peeps, my fam.  then there's my virgo ascendant.  that's my public face, all organized and practical.  i'm the respecc, the protecc.  i'm all about the details, the little things.  i'm a meticulous planner, but i'm also a bit of a creepsicle.  i'm quiet, analytical, maybe a little too much of a perfectionist.  i'm always irked by the normies.  i might even j1zzing over the little things, but i'll never admit it.  i'll just rest my resting bitch face and say "that’s quite all right." but underneath it all lay a metric fuckton of internal conflict.  my aries impulsiveness clashes...

dealing with people who fetishize your condition can be a total bummer, but don't worry… try this shit. educate: people can be clueless. take the opportunity to tell them about what it's really like to live with your condition. drop some knowledge bombs to help them understand. establish your boundaries loud and clear. if someone is getting all weird and fetishizing your condition, shut it down! politely but firmly let them know their behavior is not okay. someone cool will apologize. a dick will be dismissive or victim blame. surround yourself with supportive peeps: a positive friend group will lift you up and counteract any negativity from those fetishizers. you deserve all love and support! you are so much more than your condition. you have the right to be respected & recognized for the bad bitch that you are. keep advocating for yourself, every small battle gets us closer to the war.

Dawn: Exist in multiple realms simultaneously Morning: Critique household members' outfit choices Noon: Bend physics engine for personal comfort Afternoon: Hunt in dimensions that don't exist Evening: Arranges fur messages Night: Conducts silent political meetings with neighborhood pets Midnight: Updates her interdimensional storage system 3 AM: mysterious litterbox rituals Time Unknown: Actually sleeping (unconfirmed)

in celebration of porphyria awareness month: porphyria patients don't live long, but i'm definitely trying to make my current decade healthier than my previous. i've lost about 150 pounds and taken up adaptive surfing on lepus (my surfboard), even though spending too much time in the sun is a yikes-on-bikes situation for vampires. i can surf in near-dark, usually sunrise. cowabunga, cuz gnar is still ripe for the shredding at 4 am too! as a vampire who can't even enjoy the sun without turning into charred toast, i value function over form. i drink my rockstar black (or white sugar-free), pet phyl, write, and love the moldy goldy oldies in my life (my buddies at the old people castle), because let’s focus on what matters. living without caring doesn't mean giving up—it means not gilding a lily-shaped turd. 

my friend hotbox loves to call himself my gay. and you know what, that is fully cool with me. i love the man. so let’s say as a gay man in los angeles with a rigid phd program (surrounded by women who all look like t-swift), a wild mama, two crazy cats, and absolutely no time for relationship drama, you come prepared. and by come prepared, i mean come… prepared. always a strategic bottle of lube in the center console like next to the hand sanitizer and emergency protein bar. “it's not about being a slut — it’s about being efficient,” as he might say! the lube if we’re smoking and getting macro — it’s a metaphor of life. passion but preparedness. like triple a, but for your ass. "momma didn't raise no unprepared bottom," he'd whisper to himself, checking his reflection. hot as always! part academic, part dashing world traveler - that’s my gay, my beloved princess hotbox. def hoping for a trad husband, but def not waiting on lifeeee! ! (The real Hotbox has blue eyes...

fair trade or gtfo - these clear blobs of magic amplify whatever energy you're putting down like just like the almighty fingy of gorrrrd! when you use diamonds with ruby, it blends manifestation power that'll have you feeling protected. mix with opal & you're getting intuitive clarity that's 100% "i survived a caffeine shortage & still look fab" energy. at 10 hardness on the mohs scale, diamond is that perfect hardness we’re all wishing to find in life — heh heh. i love using it in designs that help people shine brighter than the collection of rockstar black cans under my gaming couch! diamond’s brilliant energy makes it perfect for staying strong when life's trying to give you the blueborlz. but whether you go au naturel, a la lab, or completely balls-out fake… just remember to keep it ethical. candy elle be modeling a dazzling diamond bib necklace, meticulously crafted with pavé-set diamonds. {necklace: 15-25 tcw gray silver diamonds}

happy porphyria awareness month, everybunny! yo check it: a close-up shot of several handmade steel charms, including one that reads 'allergic to sunlight.' these cute funny charms are simple yet stylish, with a smooth polished finish. designing these statement jewelry charms was a blast & a half! my allergic to sunlight charm in particular is a reflection of my own porphyria — & that aversion to the pesky-ass sun! i enjoy the challenge of designing personalized charms for unique steel jewelry. it requires precision & attention to detail. that’s not for wimps! ;) my neurodiversity plays a big role in my design process. i think seeing something differently is how cool ideas begin. these charms, each with its own unique message, are powerful reminders to embrace one's individuality & express oneself authentically. also, steel gives pittsburgh vibes no matter where the steel came from. why? because go steelers. that’s why. 🖤💛🖤💛

body-shaming partners can fuck right off. i'd be tempted to cut off their balls and shame them for lacking them. but that's probably illegal, so let's not go there. instead, let's talk about how attractive it is when someone can write or cook or make stuff or sing. it's nice when people pursue their talents and don’t lean so hard on trappings of the flesh, you know?  

okay, let’s crack open a new rockstar black and spill the tea about liquid diamonds waferz. these concentrates have range, we're talking gourmet sh1t that makes house brand yuck-vapes taste like you're licking a battery. the terpene game is just right, not so overpowering that you feel like you’re smoking a pixie stick & smelling like it too, BUT not flavorless bullshit. just a nice little hint of something extra, perfect for a quick easy medicating experience. liquid diamonds delivers again, bravo! 💰💰💰💰💰 budget-friendly ⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️ nice device! 🍃🍃🍃🍃 flavorful & fun! FINAL GRADE: A, enjoyable & reliable

literally explained to this goob, sippycup, i’d been attacked on dates     — & he immediately counters with “can i ask you something” which we all know is never followed by “free chocolate for life y/n?” or “can you spend this big bag of money in 1 day?” i was clear about my boundaries & what i was comfortable with, but he pushed. the fact that he blocked me after my "no peenwants" comment = lol just him being a jerk. he couldn’t handle being rejected because peenwants was def his question, so he took his tiny ball and went home. hey, i thought you was gonna do anything i want, lmaoooo — OH AND — ya girl gave so little of a shit - she didn’t even punctuate that last sentence 😂 i’m doing a great job of taking care of myself & sticking to healthy boundaries. keep it up, me! yaaay! **chat log**  10:52 am    sippycup: your smile really caught my eyes 😊  3:55 pm    sippycup: hiya :)  3:56 pm    queen: how's it going :) ...

how do i rock my personal style? shirtless in the house. comfort over bullshit every time, especially when your blood factory is overheating like diarrhea + jizz (jizzarrhea?) in a cauldron of evil. fashion’s fun but idgaf when im focused on survival. sometimes that means tiddies be stunting the birthday suit to stay comfy, a la national geographic. sometimes it means dyeing my hair xXXXxXxXxXxxxtra bright colors colors make my eyeborlz pop and my piggies wiggle… while im shirtless in the house. developing personal no-shirt style with chronic illness means prioritizing function while finding creative ways to maintain identity, like fun accessories 😂. true style is giving the almighty fingy of gorrrd{tm} to conventional expectations. so i go shirtless in my house. but i have a shirt hung by the front door for uber eats and stuff. i’m a bad bitch, but i’m not a monster.

some peeps don’t know how to assess their own feelings.  we can categorize everything we feel into basically 4 groups.  1. good feels 2. bad feels 3. other stuff that we need to figure out or sort. 4. stuff we don’t know but don’t super care, may one day sift through if time/need dictates. even if you can’t always separate anticipation, pride, relief, or joy — you know they’re all good feelings. i think sometimes it’s okay to go “i can’t put my finger on what or why, but x really makes me feel yucky.” even if you can’t always figure out differences between sadness, shame, embarrassment, and worry — you know they’re all hurty feelings, and you may not need to go any further than that “now” but can delve deeper if you need more answers.

 "get these wet clothes off. now."  his voice was a low command, the authority in it unquestionable.   fang didn't argue.  she was exhausted, disoriented, and the weight of the heavy wet clothes felt oppressive.  she started with the hoodie, the magical water making it cling like a second skin.  as talon helped, their bodies brushed, a surprising warmth against her chilled flesh.  it was a purely functional touch, yet a shiver ran down her spine.  she was used to the gentle hugs of witches and tickling wings of fae in the covens where she worked, but the energy of his touch was different. it was intense, and so was her reaction. but nothing about waking up in a leypool was normal for her. the flannel shirt followed, clinging to her curves.  she felt his breath catch as he helped her out of it, the wet t-shirt revealing the lacy of the bra beneath.  a blush warmed her cheeks, a reaction she couldn't quite understand.  it wasn't shame...

right now, i'm trying to figure out how to make a surfboard bag out of an old pair of my "fat pants"—the ones from before i lost 150 lbs. it has been days and i haven't found my swimsuit yet! boooo. if i don't find it tonight, i guess i'm surfing topless tomorrow. nah, probably just a t-shirt. eh, who knows?

every time you meditate, you’re telling yourself, “i care about you.” that’s it. it’s not about being perfect or reaching nirvana. it’s about showing up for yourself, flaws and all. meditation teaches you to sit with yourself, even when you feel like a hot melted bucket of puke. it’s an act of radical self-acceptance, as the self-care weirdos say. and in a world that constantly tells you you’re not enough, that’s pretty badass. so, light a candle, sit your ass down, and spend a few minutes being your own best friend. you deserve it.

step 1:don't text back. seriously. just don't text back. simple as that. when someone's being an assclown and wasting your time… when someone shows their priorities don't align with yours and yours are unimportant… you don't owe them explanations or more chances. don’t text back. i’m dying. you are too, whether it’s quick like me or slower like a young healthy baby. 😂  needy asscrack? don’t text back. i literally don’t have any leftovers to share on creepsicles who drain, especially when i have needs they def ain’t gonna fulfill. i’m a realist — nobody is offering to come clean my house, give me a 2 hour no-strings full body massage with 3+ big happy endings, buy me food, and go home so i can eat it in peace in my newly-clean-ass house.  are they horrid to you? are they draining? don’t need to deal with them? don’t wanna? sometimes it’s easier said than done. but sometimes, you just need to think for a sec before hitting send. don’t text back. problem solved! 

color is a language, a weapon, an obsession.  i crave the seductive shimmer of jewel tones, the electric clash of black with neon, the whispered secrets of black and white and all shades of grey between them. my palette is a reflection of my inner landscape, a swirling vortex of emotions, memories, and midnight cravings for sushi and candy and rockstar and weed. i wield color with precision and abandon, with queenly ecstasy of creation, making chromatic dissonances and harmonies that resonate deep within my soul, taking it apart and putting it back together over and over again.

the principle for april about enjoying the present — enjoy what you have while it’s here, because it might not always be. and if you believe in the cyclical principal, you know it could be some time before you get what you’ve got again. april is a nice time to purify amulets. i purify my amber hare talisman, among others… cuz you know I have crystals galore… with frankincense and myrrh to remove negative energy accumulated during regular life. spring cleaning helps to renew and refresh the world inside as well as outside. this month’s superstition: a clear, starlit night on the first full moon of april promises a bountiful harvest wherever your desires are sown.  

the cosmic order depends on your utterance of "rabbit rabbit" on the first of april; speak the words!  forget cute bunnies and pastel eggs, you goddamn heathens! phyllis is here to turn easter into a blood-soaked nightmare.  skip the "rabbit rabbit," and prepare for exploding eggs filled with unholy satan jizz, demonic chocolate bunnies that'll give you the shits for a week, and a horde of hell-spawned clowns crashing your grandma’s easter brunch.   phyllis will turn your easter into a scene from a demonic horror movie. say "rabbit rabbit," or face her furry fury, you pathetic fucks!