fuckboy tales: turdy lamebert act 3 (the magnificent manipulation station)

after the jazzlynn debacle, i kept turdy at arm's length — or, at least the length of my middle finger, the almighty fingy of gorrrd. our interactions became a fascinating anthropological study of male audacious bullshittery in its natural habitat. i would receive these epic romantic declarations that read like he'd plagiarized them from a 14-year-old's wattpad werewolf erotica. i'd respond with vague compliments like "that's sweet" or "you have such a way with words," which he interpreted as encouragement rather than the perfunctory acknowledgments they were.

i should mention that a quick peruse of facebook on the part of jizzle proved he was happily married with 2 lovely lil kiddos. jizzle shat herself and peppered me with screenies.
i never wanted more than friendship, & even that was stretching it. i'd ask about his day, & he'd somehow turn "i watched football" into some creep shit like "i was thinking about how the spiral of the ball reminds me of our souls intertwining." gag me with a bristol 7 stool sample.

i’m not proud of it, but at the same time… okay. i thought “this is just step one” in the searing cycle. so okay fine, but i didn’t believe or encourage anything. i literally just listened. i indulged his brags and flirtations, cuz i was literally foaming at the mouth for a gaming buddy. but realized he was full of phony bologna (the false jumbo, if ya will)… i'm packing up my life, dealing with real-world shit, & this man is crafting weird poems or whatever about… you’ll see. his messages were as empty as his browser history was probably incriminating, but they were something to chuckle about while i sorted through moving boxes. we didn’t talk on the phone everyday, just an hour or two here or there. but it did get to be a few days a week.

behind the scenes, i was sharing these messages with jizzle, both of us cackling over his idiocy like 2 hyperlexic bitches can. this guy was just too damned much, and thought he was getting away with it!