Dante’s Inferno x Bristol Scale

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some franitized fun for ye. well, not so much ye… mostly me. 🩷

tonight, we'll be examining the complex connections of the allegorical dante alighieri's inferno, to the biological classification of the bristol stool chart. 

this groundbreaking analysis will undoubtedly revolutionize our your relationship with your soul, your shit, and possibly even the shit in your soul.

sins, punishments, and the bristol stool chart:


limbo (unbaptized/virtuous pagans):
type 1 (separate hard lumps)
isolated, incomplete, like the separate existence of the virtuous pagans.

lust (carnal/sexually immodest):
type 2 (lumpy sausage) – chaotic and inconsistent, reflecting the turbulent nature of lust.

gluttony (excessively indulgent):
type 3 (smooth soft sausage)
easily consumed, lacking substance, mirroring the emptiness of excessive indulgence.

greed (avaricious/miserly): 
type 4 (smooth soft-serve)
superficially pleasing but ultimately empty, reflecting the hollow nature of greed.

wrath (angry/vengeful):
type 5 (soft blobs)
easily released, leaving residue, mirroring the lingering effects of anger.

heresy (denial of god/church): 
type 6 (fluffy pieces)
fragmented and unstable, reflecting the shattered faith of heretics.

violence (against others, self, or god):
type 7 (watery)
overwhelming and destructive, mirroring the impact of violence.

fraud (deceitful/manipulative): 
type 1 then type 7 ("corker" then deluge)
a deceptive initial stability giving way to overwhelming consequences.

treachery (ultimate betrayal):
triple wrap-around (types 2-5 repeating thrice)
an inescapable cycle of negative consequences.

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