tarot: the star

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tarot card: the star -- hope, renewal, inspiration.


it’s my birthday month. phyllis was puppy-like last winter. now spring has sprung and she’s mellow -- not full feral anymore. what bun summer? 

when she’s mad, she thumps. when she loves something -- like loops or a pet -- she lets me make much of her. kinda. ish. her current name is cheez steak. it’s very meta. 

still fighting the toxic glow-up culture -- the “love yourself” bullshit that makes pain a performance. fuck the pressure to be positive all the time. love yourself, yeah, buuutttttt hate the shit that’s real, too. and don’t fake a smile to fit in with the idiot brigade. smile for real or frown for real. 

the ring i wear is named richard starkey. it’s a pavé scarab -- a dung beetle -- sacred symbol of creation from destruction. ✨ mystical poop magicks. ✨ 

huzzah. i can see. 

zoom calls leave me utterly drained -- one day, after suppressing so much frustration i felt like i was on the edge of an emotional breakdown. it’s like i’m constantly managing my own feelings and having to field everyone else’s confusion about me. feels like a survival skill now.


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