dating hellscape with dirty danster the Kia soul hamster

okay, girlies, grab your rosé 'cause it's story time! gather round the fire and let’s burn a piping hot tale of fuckbois past. this one's a doozy. let's dive into my little fling with dirty dan a couple summers back.

jill and i spotted him at foxwoods, sweating bullets at the poker table, chain-vaping between hands. he was loud, claiming to be one of la's top players. he was balding like a grandpa, but with those hazel eyes and pearly whites had this crazy charisma and it made a thrill-seeker like me go weak in the knees.

so, dms started flying, and things got...intense. one minute he's admiring my mind, and the next he's sending me nsfw pics for my "expert opinion." he at least primed the pump first like a total gentleman! our hookups were unconventional. like, really unconventional. the fur coatroom at that bougie hotel bar downtown. then there was the casino bathroom stall sesh before his poker game. a kiss for good luck — first me, then one on each of my bodacious h cups, then me again, then them… heh. the constant chip-clanking was not romantic. the whole thing was shrouded in secrecy, and his communication was all over the place — silent treatment one minute, love bombing the next. it was exhausting, ladies, absolutely exhausting.

couple weeks later jillsies was online and… bam! multiple search results expose dirty dan for the lying, cheating, secret-girlfriend-having, secret-swinging-lifestyle-not-kink-shaming-but-he-fully-lied-about-it fuckboy he is. the manipulation, the deception... way too much. at least now i can laugh about it... and laugh when i picture him, crammed like a hip-hop hamster in that tiny kia soul, tryna upgrade his combover & wallowing in his sorrow that no one appreciates a fake gucci watch anymore.