freshly milked newz: the crush heard 'round the dairy plant

{from the 2024 archives…} dead milkman asked me out! he asked how i was feeling about him and i was deadass honest, i said i had a crush on him. so dead milkman asked if we could have a date. next weeeeeeek! so excited i canNOT wait until next week :)

in the meantime, we’ve been texting a metric fuckton. he asked a bunch of opinions and input on my drugz preferences which, let’s be real, was smart, because i’m a fucking weed nerd. i have dispensary insider info, strain knowledge, and general stoner wisdom, so yeah, i’m kinda fascinating. xd

we have jokes that the future for milk is 3d printed by ai mechanical cows. now we have cursed dairy memes. i wanna ask if oat milk is made from ai horses. i wonder if the ai cows know about the cursed dairy memes yet. probably not.

dead milkman is tall, has big teeth, nice freckles, curly hairs, and some vague x/twitter armchair liberal energy. two baby mamas, zero serious anythings ever tho, but does parent to a degree. he’s very “woke” and claims to be annoyingly so. not necessarily a red flag, but it’s… hmm.

dead milkman is genuinely excited to meet me. i’m still not 100% sure if we have sacred place butterflies, but i’m ready to find out!!!! huzzah!