silencing the saboteur

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my inner critic is a persistent little bastard, whispering doubts and insecurities.  but i'm learning to silence my inner saboteur, to embrace my imperfections, to accept my unique perspective & my unconventional approaches as valid and effective for me.  i remind myself that there is no right or wrong in art, or in life… there’s only expression.  i create for myself. i also create me - i create a world around me, and the me inside of it - and everything i do is for the joy of creation and expression. everyone should experience the sheer, unadulterated pleasure of making something out of nothing.

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evil department magazine: dirty deets

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evil department magazine is a fictional name i use for a real magazine i worked for before California. the publication itself was an actual company and an authentic magazine. it wasn’t mainstream, but it was owned by a big magazine company, as a tiny subsidiary. had a dedicated online readership in the several-thousand range — enough to pay contributors and operate on weekly deadlines. the focus was a specific music scene centered in a few cities on and around the east coast of the United States, with additional international coverage. my work there shifted week to week. sometimes i wrote. sometimes i focused more on art or jewelry. sometimes it was split. i occasionally traveled, attended shows, and gathered crowd buzz as part of the reporting. the work, deadlines, and coverage were real. only the names have been changed.
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corpse lore!: scary mary and the monster she made

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Silence Is Healing

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In the noise of the everyday, I can lose touch with my true self, my inherent worth, and my ability to discern what truly benefits me. And I suspect many of you reading this understand. As a highly sensitive person, I know I'm not alone. It's not just physical distractions. The endless scroll of social media, societal pressures, and the carefully curated perfection of others' lives create a deafening cacophony that drowns out our true selves. Everywhere we turn, negativity vies for our attention. We overthink, exhausting ourselves in the process. It feels like a war against our self-esteem, our hearts, and that fragile reserve of positivity we all try to nurture. The constant pressure to keep up, the illusion of perfect lives… noise and drama. It suffocates our true selves, and I understand if you feel the same overwhelming sense of being lost in the noise.  This constant chaos and negativity are unacceptable. We deserve better. The solution? Choosing silence. Finding p...
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Why Soulmates Are Fake As Fuck

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It doesn’t matter what you’re looking for: friends, a relationship, a job, or someone to play DnD with: breadcrumbing sucks… The constant questioning, the hope that flickers and dies, the agonizing wait for a text that never comes. And then, the ultimate betrayal: ghosting. I've been ghosted, not once, but twice, by the same fuckboy. The audacity! This experience heaped trauma onto me that I might never recover from honestly. The person in question spent years tormenting me. I want to say “it taught me so much” or “it made me a better person,” but honestly that’s the total opposite of what happened. I am worse for every bit of it. All it taught me is that nobody is even half as decent as I think they’re going to be. It’s hard to shift from having that faith to having none. Maybe faith will come back around someday, I don’t know. I don’t see it happening. But I haven’t had any free March 18ths in a good while. When I get one, maybe I will feel differently. Anyway, just remember we...
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