Buttcheeks Evolution Part 2: Electric Boogaloo
Act II unveils the dawn of posterior enlightenment. Early humans—perhaps while manspreading by the fire—discovered the potential for gluteus maximus enhancement. Evolution, ever the horny slot machine, began distributing wildly inconsistent glute allocations. Some strutted forth with Crotchular Realness™ that would make today’s fitness influencers weep-lunge in envy. Others, tragically under-gluted, were cast into the evolutionary spatula district—an existence defined by the unmistakable sound of blahhhhhhh.
Thus emerged the sauuuuce bosssssses of gluteal development. These chosen ones flexed not only cheeks but social dominance. Their ascent was, in the strictest scientific sense, off the chizzain.
Act III:
The Future is Thicc’er Than You Think
Fast-forward a few centuries and humanity has evolved again—not through struggle, but through sitting. Sedentary lifestyles birth a species molded by chairs: legs are optional, gluteal cushioning mandatory. Glutes become both throne and power source. Interpretive medicine harnesses advanced gluteal bio-energy, with diagnostics available via twerk-based telemetry.
Those who fail to adapt? Wack. Utterly wack. Their evolutionary legacy: Turd Ferguson footnotes in the Book of Booty.
This future, rated E for Everyone (despite its heavy implications of jizz-powered propulsion), presents a bold thesis: the smile of tomorrow is fueled by the glutes of today. Humanity’s arc bends not toward justice, but toward maximum thiccness and cheeked-up destiny!
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