💀 weirdgirl zine 💜

california welcomed me with open arms & some pretty good chinese food. as i settled into my new digs, turdy continued his long-distance love bombing campaign with the persistence of a hemorrhoid after a 12-hour road trip. then came the revelation™. turns out, our intrepid romance novelist wasn't just a philosophical fuckboy—he was a married philosophical fuckboy! with children! the man who wanted me to be the "mother to his future offspring" already had offspring! & a whole-ass wife! talk about burying the lead deeper than a vampire at bedtime. when confronted, turdy unleashed the waterworks. "i'll confront my wife," he blubbered, as if his marital status was just some minor inconvenience like forgetting to mention a shellfish allergy. meanwhile, i'm sitting in my newly unpacked living room, drinking rockstar white (watching my sugar intake like a responsible adult vampiress), wondering if i should laugh or send an anonymous message to his poor w...

ever have diarrhea so bad that you had to hold your ass cheeks together? i havent but i just heard someone on naked and afraid say it after eating some bad food but wouldnt just sealing your cheeks shut compound matters… that does nothing for your sphincty… so wouldnt you just end up shitting through your squeezed cheeks and squeezing hands... welp im not even going to be mad at it… too mentally exhausting.